u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
