just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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