Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
