you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
