Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
