You work out of a Hotel?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
