guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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