my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
