Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drake has all the answers
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize