I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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