No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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