I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sober January is a disaster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize