I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
