he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize