I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
