I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
