I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
