I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
