but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
