Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
