i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
