Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
