just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
