final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
