i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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