its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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