Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
