Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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