I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
