Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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