i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
