someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
