Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's shark week go big or go home
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
