R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
