Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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