We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
