if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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