i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
