Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
