its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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