Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
