one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
