Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
