how can u be prego again
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
