yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
