I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
