At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
