non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
