Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize