So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
