i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
