oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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