I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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