White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
