Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
