She's like a pop up book from hell.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If its not for food we ain't going out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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