i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
