dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize