I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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