The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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