Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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