margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
