My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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