let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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