just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
