dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
