I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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