I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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