when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
