i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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