totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
