I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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