I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
