Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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