This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
