The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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