I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
