everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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