morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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